Blogging about weddings is a first for me. I don't even have a wedding pin board! But recently, or not so recently, I got a save the date card for my brother-in-laws upcoming wedding. My boys' dad got an Ipad when he was asked to be apart of the wedding and stand up with his brother. Excitement abounded (especially for him) but I was among the excited too, because I quite like his little brother whom I have known since he was 12 (!) and I was getting the feeling this would be an extra lovely event (his fiance works in the wedding industry to boot). I was also just honored to be invited. I even had a vision or two of where I might go dress shopping (I don't get many reasons to get dressed up these days). But my excitement was snuffed when I was told on Christmas that no kids were allowed. Honestly I didn't even know not inviting kids was a thing. But in my mama-bear state I googled "children+weddings+UNinvited" looking to validate my shock and awe, but to my surprise it wasn't full of doting mothers complaining about bridezillas, but how-to's and supportive threads for implementing adult-only weddings and receptions. So, I was wrong, this isn't only a thing but it seems to be normal(?). I am so out of the 21st century wedding loop. However, I have been a mother for 15 years, I have been to, apart of and invited to many, many weddings. I have never been told not to bring to my kid(s). In fact when Fisher was 6 years old he was my best friends husbands best man (how adorable is that?!). I am used to that sort of thing. Of course different people call for different occasions and I can use discretion; if I were to be invited to a wedding of a co-worker I'd probably not assume my kids were invited and not bring them along. But for a family or close friend? If they had trouble listening or were unruly, I'd probably still want to go with them but not attend the service itself. Like I said, I got discretion and this is just a first for me.
After the news I got an email from the bride-to-be (whom I have never even met, awkward) which addressed that she knew I had gotten the news and explained the reasons, re-inviting me; my reply was offering my best wishes, I understand her reasons but stating that as a parent I am simply plus three. That's just how I roll. If my "family" is invited that means the whole gang and if some are left out, I stay with the that bunch (I always root for the under dog.). And I just like my kids, I like having shared experiences with them, especially momentous ones. In a later email I was asked to reconsider attending and reassured that my older son, Fisher, is invited and wanted, so it's just my super precious little M+L that aren't invited from my family. There are a couple other reasons it grates on me but my tangent is already getting pretty long-winded but as a mama that generally makes me feel weird. I am their mom and they are my children but they are my equals as humans. I can't look at them differently than that and this makes me feel like I am being forced to. Even though I know that's not the message they are sending, it by default, would be one I would be sending them. I totally respect that it is her day and it should be just exactly as she wants it but being a parent is everyday. Sometimes I have to make choices one day because they might affect days down the road.
Am I am being cray-cray? Are weddings these days excluding children? I mean when I think of weddings I think of: bride, groom, flower-girl, ring bearer (half of the image of a wedding that I conjure in my head is children! and flowers, lots of flowers). In the end I don't harbor any bad feelings for her choices at all, I am not broken up about not going, I just don't want to feel like an ass for not going - which I do for now having been invited for a third time and having to say I am not going for a third time, oh wait, make that a second time. I am now wondering if my choice to (presumably) keep declining is right or wrong, or like I said just a personal call I have to make (i think it's the latter).
In the end I can understand the fear of having children around during such a special occasion. So for all those brides to-be that (rightfully so) feel a little nervous about the kids ruining, er, I mean attending their big day but still plan on having them there, I have rounded up some activities for kids to keep them quiet, er, I mean happy during the ceremony and reception.
Happy weekend and feel free to tell me I am being a total zealot.