Tippa Tappa

Thursday, November 20, 2014


Oh people of the internet, my comrades, sometimes I feel so dragged down by doing the same-old, same-old day in and day out. I am not bitter. When I think about trading it in. Well, I wouldn't. I don’t think my days in general are difficult by any stretch of the imagination. In fact the worst part is I know I could be, should be doing more at times like these. I have both some pretty exciting real and potential opportunities on the horizon which I should be giddy about (though i have learned in this line of work the latter can be draining too - lots of work for maybe's), but, right now, I am more like "give me cookie dough." I had all of these grandiose visions of myself in a flurry of checked-off to-do lists, taking 5 mile hikes, and my house blinding me with its sparkle and shine once all my kids were in school.  

However. After getting my children stuffed into their clothes, coats, and the car, pulled at their little arms for two blocks after finding the nearest parking space and dragged them into class with the bell ringing just as I place one foot over the threshold (a minor victory.). I get back into my car alone and I am pumped! I talk to myself in my car about all the things I am so excited to accomplish once I get back home. And then I see the dishes, the scrambled eggs stuck on the stove top, and the dog spinning in circles by the door to go out, but instead of feeling defeated by these never ending tasks, I decide: later (except for the dog). I keep the positive self-talk as I come back in and walk over to my computer, making notes and lists in my head. I am already patting myself on the back because today is the day.

Then I sit down. After a few minutes of staring blankly and glancing sideways at my kitchen sink, I click on facebook (which i greatly dislike by the way) just to feel like I have done something. At least I am not doing the dishes or sweeping the floors, however, the list of things I am not doing suddenly becomes like the monster under my bed. It is a serious low point in ones creative and productive existence when you have give in to FB to feel like you accomplished something. So then I go, totally defeated, to the egg grime on the stove. Most of the time this whole one step forward, two steps back doesn't get to me, it's life and all that. No biggy. But sometimes it does. Like the fall. 

Truth be told I prefer to fall lovingly into a mild depressive state in the autumnal season. Not clinically (i know this because one of my other go-to/red flag of unproductiveness sites is webmd). It's more of a comfortable melancholy of which I like. Which feels good and cozy. One that evokes listening to sad tunes and drawing. Digging out memory boxes from the back of your closet. Writing poetry and lighting musky-scented candles. Laying on your bed with headphones on. Reading Jane Eyre under a down comforter. Getting coffees late at night while wrapped up in big chunky scarves and wool coats. And these things are at odds with my to-do lists and the dishes and the laundry and cooking. Damn it. 

With all of that being said I decided to turn to music and make a little playlist of some of my favorite fall tunes that I am listening to as of late. This may not meet the criteria of being productive, buuuut at least feels more like an accomplishment than FB. It's good for a little soul stirring and hopefully in addition to the fresh air from an invigorating walk, the sage waved around the house, the ‘focus’ oil on the temples, and my ten minutes of "inspiration" on pinterest, it might just be the missing puzzle piece for a period of production. Or something like that. Maybe. 

Late Autumn Mix: Listen

Dillion
1. Tip Tapping
2. Thirteen Thirtyfive
Coeur de Pirate
3. Cap Diamant
4. Comme des Enfants
The Quiet American
5. Fire In The Sky
6. Worth A Million
Lisa Hannigan
7. Sea Song
8. Pistaschio
Slow Club
9. When I go
Isbells
10.
Reunite

Side Note: M+L are convinced, no matter how many times I tell them otherwise, that I am singing the first song because whenever we need a little motivation to do something we do a little tap dance to get us going while singing "tippa tippa tappa tippa tippa tappa."

12 comments:

  1. The "one step forward, two steps back" is something that easily stresses me out. I used to be very harsh with myself, always fidgety and analysing my work over the day late in the evening, thinking why I haven't done more, but certain things that have happened in my life taught me differently. I do my best to get my tasks done and enjoy the free time I allow myself without thinking that I should use that time to work on this or that project.

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    1. most of the time i can do that too. it's important to allow yourself time to breathe and relax and rejuvenate. sometimes however, after i've given myself this space, it's so hard to leave it ;)

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  2. I think, if I can ever finish this book and have it in me to write another, "comfortable melancholy" might be the best title I could ever hope for. It describes SO MUCH of what I love about this time of year, and you hit it right on the head for me. It's comfortable, and quiet, and slow. Don't feel guilty, twinsy. Light those musky candles, cuddle under the covers, and get mellow. I totally support it. xo

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    1. okay, well, you can dedicate that one to me ;) and don't you worry i support it too and i definitely lighting musky candles. now if i could just convince the world to pause while i revel in hibernation. xo

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  3. it's the cold weather that draws us inward, we instinctively go into hybernation. i get the way you do after dropping off the boy when i'm out on a run in the morning. my blood gets pumping and fuels all the great ideas with the best intentions, but then when i get home and my heart rate returns to normal + house chores start giving me the stink eye, all that good energy goes to waste. bleh. music *is* great for soul stirring, can't wait to give your playlist a turn. here's to more "tippa tippa" days ahead! xo

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    1. i love being home with my kids and working from home, but it certainly takes a lot of willpower to always be your own taskmaster (and sometimes i just don't have it!). xo

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  4. Oh, beautiful, beautiful post. It captures the day to day life of someone who works at home and the expressiveness of this time of year so perfectly. I'm really moved reading it. I've had to hold myself to a strict schedule this fall and still, I slip sideways, sometimes in good ways, and sometimes not. I think your music will help me.

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    Replies
    1. you are doing a great job! in fact in these moments i sometimes think of you and try to pull from your excitement as of late for reaching out into the horizon and challenging yourself (i think i can i think i can, too). xo

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  5. I definitely relate to you here (which I'm sure is no surprise). I love the photo at the top, did you make that? Also I am gonna create a Spotify playlist of these songs too! ; )

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  6. I am completely run down and fatigued this fall. No, I haven't figured out what it is yet. I haven't gone to the doctor yet. Ugh, I just don't know. There are so many places I want to go but instead, bored, I just wander down and get another carb/salt-laden snack and nose dive into it. I need a good shaking. Let me know if you figure it out please

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  7. Oh Christine, your words resonated sooo much with me. Even though we are baking in the heat, my body clock still feels like it is heading into winter and I am totally zonked out. "Can't be bothered" is the correct term. And as much as I love blogging, the internet is such a time suck. Particularly Facebook (which I loathe). And Us Weekly, and Pinterest and You Tube. I sit down at my laptop with the best intentions of getting things done and before I know it, an hour has passed. I think you are on to a good thing with that music though, keep at it and give yourself a little break!

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