Hello friends! That has to be one of my longer breaks. Life here has been busy and I've missed having time for this online world. Still doing all the things and, as of most recently, trying to figure out what's going on with my little Tiger. Add to that I've been deep in thoughts, or more so my thoughts have been like those squiggly lines that just float around in your eyes. Always there. Wondering, during my break from this space, and going to school, and dealing with my own personal journey in clearing the clutter in my life (in both literal and proverbial forms), and my business presence online and, of course, new events as they take shape, about where all of these things converge inside of myself. And where they belong outside of myself. The break, as I've mentioned, stemmed from feeling a bit conflicted in the balance of it all - where real life meets online life. Where online life meets real life.
Honestly as much as I have wanted to think about these things, so far they've mostly come across as noise. Marketing. Sharing. Learning. Doing. Being. Which hats do I wear where? Do I wear all the hats? A couple of the hats? Does this hat go with that hat? The word "authentic" comes up a lot. The word authentic makes me want to scratch my eyes out. All of this, I know, is a theme that is not uncommon to bloggers or others who have an online presence I have found. Or anyone else for that matter. And, unfortunately this stream of consciousness here doesn't have any answers at the end. I am still thinking about it all. It's all playing out in the back of my mind.
Over the past several weeks I've been following along on Lauren's journey in film, both through her blog, Still+Life, and through lots of email chit chat. It has made me think about film a lot too, which I have found, has really paralleled some of these more general thoughts that have been stirring around in my mind. "In digital photography grain is bad, but in film photography, we embrace our grainy shots. They add character and definition and life to our work" - Still+Life: Six Months In
When I first started photography it was the imperfect moments that captured me and that I wanted to capture. It was the beauty in these normal moments that get blown up and appreciated for all the beauty that lies within them. Simply because they are real. Moments that can easily go unnoticed, undervalued, and unappreciated. It never crossed my mind to take pictures on a white background with deliberately-randomized rose petals. Or to spend five minutes cleaning my house so I could take a few "candid" pictures of my kids (the moment is always over by the time I do anyway). Or to make my family wait for dinner so I can take it outside in the natural light to take photos of it while I toss a napkin 10 times over so it looks "natural." Not that I am against these things at all. Or that I even do most of them. Or that I won't do them. Because, for one, I like these images too, and in certain areas of my life, especially my work, it has its place. It's vital. However, the things that are truly beautiful in my life are not going to be found in a perfectly curated scene because perfectly curated scenes don't exist naturally in my world. And thus the meditation on hats and balance and convergence ensues.
These images aren't from a film camera, though, inspired by Lauren, I decided for the moment I wanted to take photos as though they were. With the same spirit I did when I first started photography in an effort to stop thinking about the grain of life as noise. Take all the hats off but one. Capture the real parts of our every day - the truly beautiful parts.
And what real life looks like for us is a lot like this. I don't always make my bed in the morning. My children's faces are usually dirty and if you walked into my house you'd very likely find the glow of a screen illuminating those dirty faces. If you catch me in a moment of a real smile you'll see a double chin. I hate my double chin, but the truth is, the pictures where you can see it, they are also always secretly my favorites. Fisher's room will never, ever be pin-worthy. I am a sucker for buying my kids candy and that tattoo is still there because my child hadn't bathed in a week. My dining table is almost always covered in something. As is my floor. And the bathtub. And everything else that has a surface. The moments themselves are where the sharpness and the perfect light lie. Where life is. Where I have decided to be for now as these grainy thoughts continue to take shape.